I just found this…..it’s from 2016.
Sometimes we need to go back to see how far we have come.
This past year for me has been a GIANT lesson.
I’ve been learning about herbs and crystals and my cycle and faeries and everything else in between.
But my biggest lesson has been working with my "Shadow Self”
The part of you that is completely human. The part that has ego, jealousy, martyrs……sadness and confusion.
We are taught in the spiritual world that everything is “Love+Light” and “Rainbows and Unicorns”
And that you have to focus on the positive or the negative will eat you up!
Well I am here to tell you that is all BULLSHIT!
This past year I have been dealing with a BIG ego issues.
People love to get close to me……befriend me…..connect with me on an intimate level and then either steal an idea idea or just fuck off. Like gone…….ghosted…..disappeared. The first time it happened was when my father…..whom I loved deeply as a young girl decided to stop loving me the way he used to. He put up boundaries and held me at arms length it broke me in ways a young girl shouldn’t have to know.
The second time this all happened to me in a big way my serious boyfriend of 3 years just up and left. No note…..no goodbye….no forwarding address. It broke me in ways I am still understanding. I’ve even had a past life where a lover who was much higher on the society ranks loved me….got me pregnant and then proceeded to cut my baby from me leaving me for dead and taking my son home to be parented by himself and his wife. Fun times…….
And the list of friends that have come into my life and loved me and then left me in painful callous ways is too many to count. I started to think that I was never going to heal this.
But this past year has been monumental. It started with a trip to Morocco that I knew would be life changing……and it was. It gave me the opportunity to take my power back and showed me that I had more power than I realized.
And in the moment that I stood barefoot on the Anti Atlas mountains above a hematite mine……I was grounded. And I heard the words “this is the beginning”
In that moment I had no clue what that meant……but I felt like I had been re-born.
I felt like I had dropped one of the many layers of dead skin and betrayal that I had felt up until that moment.
I had been weak and eager to please……..that was no longer going to be me.
I felt like I found my voice. I came home and started doing weekly WOOchats. People needed to hear the information I was giving……listen to the earth, the cycles of the moon and our loved ones in spirt.
They have so much to tell us.
Since then I have been on a healing journey.
I have used Tarot, Reiki, Past life healing, Bars, essential oils, herbs, meditation, affirmations, cord cutting, elixirs and anointing oil….just to name a few.
It has been a daily struggle. Speaking my truth and working through the pain.
I’ve lost a lot of friends. And i’m ok with that. I no longer need peoples approval to be who I am…….I am wounded…..I am blunt…..I am powerful and I healed myself!
Now it wasn’t easy. And I mean pretty much everyone in my life said “just get over it”, “this is ruining your life” and I wanted to “just get over it” and I knew it was “ruining my life”
But walking away or “white lighting” something doesn’t heal it. It actually makes it worse to just push it down.
Every time I confronted someone or called them out on a situation……..I would get better. And then another person would betray me or copy my course or use my words as their own……and I would call them out.
And then another one would pop up. It was tiering…….it was necessary. Because every time I confronted someone or spoke my truth I was healing all the wrongs that I had felt had been done to me over the years.
Even if it didn’t feel like a big deal to someone else it was a big deal to me……it wasn’t just the one event it was the hundreds that had happened to me over my life times. And I no longer wanted to repeat the pattern.
I wanted to resolve it once and for all!!!!
It was painful at times and people would look at me like I had three heads….but slowly overtime….when I would have an issue or revisit the events…..it didn’t hurt as much.
I was seeing people for who they were quicker…….i wasn’t getting myself into situations where people would take advantage of me. I learned how to put up boundaries and had the confidence to speak my truth before something even happened. And even when something did happen…..it did't ROCK me like it used to. I didn’t grow a thicker skin or learn to ignore it like all my “advisors” had told me. I FUCKING HEALED IT!!!!!
I had worked with my shadow and I had overcome something that had been with me since before I was born.
This is why what I teach is SOOOOOOOO important to me…..with the help of healers and Light Warriors we can HEAL OURSELVES of all the pain we feel as humans. It has taken me 42 years to realize I can help myself deal with the feeling of Abandonment and Shame that I was feeling for so long. It wasn’t easy and it certainly isn’t a cure. It is something I will be most certainly something I will work on in this life time and others……..but I no longer have to walk with the burden of feeling the way I felt…..and it was painful.
What I know on the other end of all this……there is no ONE way to heal yourself….there is no ONE thing that is going to make it better and first and FOREMOST……pushing it down…..”getting over it” and “white lighting it” WILL NOT HELP!!!!!
We have to start working with our shadow self……we have to learn how to heal our own hearts…..because as I say all the time…..”NO ONE CARES FOR YOU THE WAY YOU SHOULD CARE FOR YOURSELF!!!!” We are the only ones that can truly understand what we are going though…..hence we with the support of amazing people…need to start healing ourselves….dark side and all!!!!
And I am here ready and able to help you find the tools that are right for you! This is not a “one size fits all” kind of situation.
This is a learn…..heal……learn some more…..heal some more……expand you mind and choose your own adventure kind of situation.
I am so excited to see what comes next…….my heart is healing……I invite you to heal yours too!!!!!
Emma from 5 years ago.