12 years ago when I stepped deeply back into my spirituality, I was in survival mode.
I was swinging from highs to lows almost daily and could see no way out.
So then I decided that this was the perfect time to have a baby…….well actually the universe decided that it was the perfect time to have a baby. ( you can read all about that in my first book The Barefoot Medium )
Which ultimately lead me down a path of healing……….which I will be forever grateful for. PPD ( postpartum depression) hit me HARD a year into being a Mum. I didn’t know who I was and what I wanted to do with my life.
Did I even want to be a Mum? Did I want to be a wife? Did I want to even participate in life?
Once again we are sitting in a time of great upheaval. What we once knew is no longer.
This is a hard time for everyone. But for those struggling with mental health issues like myself, it can ROCK OUR WORLDS! I’m a HUGE believer in the idea that we are truly never healed and that it is a constant journey. So if you have stepped into the realm of Shadow Work…or self care…welcome. But for people like myself the shadow is just the tip of the iceberg.
Some days just waking up and breathing feels like a chore. I look at the life that I have created for myself and I “know” it is amazing. I can sit here in my shop and type what ever I want……I can make some potions or candles today and know tomorrow that people support my work and I can make a living. But in my head right now there is a battle going on that I didn’t want to admit to.
Today I admitted……….I am DEPRESSED again…….for what feels like the millionth time.
But guess what…..that is OK.
And I will be OK.
But sometimes it helps just to say the words out loud.
I have been here before. I know what to do and how to help myself. I have the tools.
But guess what……..you can’t heal until you know you need healing!
So I am going to heal…….and I am going to do it here…..in my journal to give myself accountability.
I’m not doing it for anyone else but me.
So there are a couple things I ask.
1. Do not send me healing.
2. Do not read cards for me about it.
3. Do not ask me if Im ok in that “awe….are you ok?” high pitched voice.
4. Do not pity me.
5. Don’t worry about me.
6. Just witness me. Allow me to share and if you want to share what you are going through to I will witness you too.
7. I don’t need advice or tips……I’ve got that covered!
We all heal differently…….and being such a wicked empath I ASORBE IT ALL! So when you think you are offering help. It actually makes it worse. And becasue I am depressed my ability to deflect that stuff right now is at an all time low.
So if you want to witness my journey, this journal is where you will find my highs and lows and some of the things that I am doing to help me get back to where I was………before all this craziness started.