How am I doing?

I’ve been processing a lot.
How am I doing?
How is my son doing with back to school?
How am I doing?
How is my Husband doing?
How am I doing?
How is my business doing?
How are my clients doing?
How am I doing?

Every day…….I check in.
Every day……I re-asses.

And I think……we are all pretty good.
I’m non committal to that statement though, because with Mars in Retrograde and the Shadow of the New Moon. It could flip at any second.

So every day I check in…… and it gets a little easier.

And I have been doing more self care.
I’ve been trying to stay off my phone and not think everything has to be done NOW!

I’m back to some of my old routines and it feels pretty good.

How am I doing? ( Yep that is the most asked question in this house. )

Dealing with depression my entire life I have been through every phase of this lovely monster. Crying for hours in a ball. Walking around like a zombie. Eating all the things. Wearing the same outfit for days. Forgetting to brush my teeth “Mummy your breath smells like garbage!”. I’ve seen therapists, councillors, healers, card readers, Psychologists and quacks.

But this is the first time my awareness of my depression is so acute. Busting it wide open. I’ve been tracking it daily in my notebook on a scale of 1-10. ( learned this trick from the series Halt and Catch Fire……if you haven’t watched it….go now!!!)
Just to keep tabs and make sure I’m not in a manic phase or just having a bad day.

Becasue, here is the thing.
You can still be depressed and work.
You can still be depressed and parent.
You can still be depressed and smile.
You can still be depressed and laugh.
You can still be depressed and be in love.

So we have to watch the subtleties of our depression and when I feel myself at a 5 or 6……..I give myself some love. I rest. I turn off the phone. I meditate. I chant. I do my healing. And then I can feel that 5 coming back to a 1 or 2.

The more we learn to listen to our bodies and our needs we can help ourselves.
We can heal ourselves. And yes…..if I ever reached 9 or 10 I would more than likely seek professional help. But I have done this for so long that that is rarely needed.

And I’m not a fan of the Western method of dealing with depression. Yes…..sometimes we need drugs to help a re-set if you like. But not getting to the root of what is creating the depression just means you are in a cycle of ups and downs until you level off and need to come off the drugs…….which may lead to depression again.

And the small piece of me that is A-type wants to be up to the challenge and help myself out of the void. So here we are. Tracking my daily energy and mood. And it’s working. It’s been two weeks now and I am still a little surprised that my depression just vanished after doing some very focused self care + magic.

And I am still very cautiously optimistic.

Happy New Moon everyone!