It’s been just over a month since I realized I was having symptoms of depression. To admit it was the hardest bit…….but then to completely shift my energy through my healing and writing feels even harder.
I have had wicked GUILT.
GUILT for it being too easy.
GUILT about maybe not having had depression ( even though I know I did.)
Which is just so insane. Because who wouldn’t want to heal quickly……well obviously me.
Another thing that society has drilled into my brain. HEALING IS HARD!
But from this last experience I’ve come to the conclusion it doesn’t have to be.
And I’ve actually been hindering my healing in the past because I was convinced it had to be hard.
And I still have thoughts that are “old me”………..”Your a fake!”……”It’s not real”……”your deluding yourself into thinking your OK”
But the reason I truly know why I’m healed?
Yesterday, I made a roast beef dinner from scratch with Yorkshire pudding, broccoli with cheese sauce with roast potatoes. AND I did an entire household of laundry. I even folded my husbands undies with a smile on my face. I know to many this may feel like just a normal day……….but to me this is FUCKING MAGIC!
Like who am I?!?!
I’ve even been BAKING and this morning I cleaned out some of the cold cellar and posted my Roller Skates on FB marketplace.
All of this again, seems really NORMAL!
I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO DO ANY OF THIS BEFORE………LIKE NEVER!
My depression makes me tired. It makes me think “Why bother……..”
My depression convinces me that I couldn’t ever achieve what I want to achieve.
My depression makes me think that everyone else has the world figured out and I’m just a failure.
My depression makes me think I don’t deserve and normal life.
My depression convinces me that EVERYTHING is HARD!
My depression is a mean son of a bitch and I am so glad it is gone on holiday……..maybe even for the last time.
I feel like I’ve jumped into another reality…….the one where I am that person that has all the time and is organized and just gets shit done with a fucking smile on my face!
One of my favourite movies of all time explains this concept so well.
I don’t think when they made it they realized how WOO it is……..but it’s MEGA WOO.
If you haven’t watched the movie Interstellar before………well you should!
I feel like Matthew Mcconaughey when he come to after traveling back through the black hole.
Like I can see all the realities and know that all of them are possible.
But I’ve hacked it……….so I can jump from reality to reality.
And I’m staying in this reality for awhile. It feels like the one I was supposed to be in all the time.
I just had to CHOOSE it!
Yep…….I really think the reason I healed so quickly this time around is because I CHOOSE to be my better self.
I CHOOSE to be happy.
I CHOOSE to see all the possibilities in front of me.
Now it’s just a NORMAL life for me………as much as a witch in the woods can be normal :P
I have had wicked GUILT.
GUILT for it being too easy.
GUILT about maybe not having had depression ( even though I know I did.)
Which is just so insane. Because who wouldn’t want to heal quickly……well obviously me.
Another thing that society has drilled into my brain. HEALING IS HARD!
But from this last experience I’ve come to the conclusion it doesn’t have to be.
And I’ve actually been hindering my healing in the past because I was convinced it had to be hard.
And I still have thoughts that are “old me”………..”Your a fake!”……”It’s not real”……”your deluding yourself into thinking your OK”
But the reason I truly know why I’m healed?
Yesterday, I made a roast beef dinner from scratch with Yorkshire pudding, broccoli with cheese sauce with roast potatoes. AND I did an entire household of laundry. I even folded my husbands undies with a smile on my face. I know to many this may feel like just a normal day……….but to me this is FUCKING MAGIC!
Like who am I?!?!
I’ve even been BAKING and this morning I cleaned out some of the cold cellar and posted my Roller Skates on FB marketplace.
All of this again, seems really NORMAL!
I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO DO ANY OF THIS BEFORE………LIKE NEVER!
My depression makes me tired. It makes me think “Why bother……..”
My depression convinces me that I couldn’t ever achieve what I want to achieve.
My depression makes me think that everyone else has the world figured out and I’m just a failure.
My depression makes me think I don’t deserve and normal life.
My depression convinces me that EVERYTHING is HARD!
My depression is a mean son of a bitch and I am so glad it is gone on holiday……..maybe even for the last time.
I feel like I’ve jumped into another reality…….the one where I am that person that has all the time and is organized and just gets shit done with a fucking smile on my face!
One of my favourite movies of all time explains this concept so well.
I don’t think when they made it they realized how WOO it is……..but it’s MEGA WOO.
If you haven’t watched the movie Interstellar before………well you should!
I feel like Matthew Mcconaughey when he come to after traveling back through the black hole.
Like I can see all the realities and know that all of them are possible.
But I’ve hacked it……….so I can jump from reality to reality.
And I’m staying in this reality for awhile. It feels like the one I was supposed to be in all the time.
I just had to CHOOSE it!
Yep…….I really think the reason I healed so quickly this time around is because I CHOOSE to be my better self.
I CHOOSE to be happy.
I CHOOSE to see all the possibilities in front of me.
Now it’s just a NORMAL life for me………as much as a witch in the woods can be normal :P
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